What is my vision for myself?
I sometimes spend hours before bedtime envisioning all the things that I want for myself. The vision is usually very clear. I want to not heavy breathe from walking up the stairs. I want to go out with my friends and not think about what the others in the room are thinking about how I look. I envision myself being more confidant with the way I interact with others because I'm less concerned about my weight. I envision myself using my confidence to steer the rest of my life....the way I interact with my peers (work or friends), the way I handle my relationship...with Izzy and Troy. I envision myself finding happiness...not in the "butterflies and lollipops every day" kind of happiness but the content feeling that I've been missing for so long.
How is this different from who you are or where are you today?
Right now I'm in this sort of limbo. My employment status, my weight condition, my inability to feel truly GOOD about anything....all these things seem to make my body and mind feel heavy. I am constantly worried about what others are thinking or saying about me. I find myself at odds with friends who don't struggle with weight like I do. I envy those who lose weight and it seems effortless or at least with less effort than with what I'm putting in. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm hurtful to others at times.
What do I think will make me feel more confident?
I'd love to say that losing weight will make me feel more confident. And I'm pretty sure that it will definitely make me feel MORE confident but what I truly need is a self-esteem overhaul. I need to believe in the things I used to. I need to take up something that makes me feel powerful over MYSELF. Whether its hiking or kayaking or something active.....or even just writing....I used to write all the time....I don't know if I have the answer for this.
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